We laughed. We cried. We celebrated. We lost our shit a little at the end there. It was a night to remember. Here's a brief, incomplete lists of the best, worst, and most eye-rolling moments from yesterday's Oscars broadcast.
Biggest Twist: M. Night Shayamalan, did you script this? Because whoa. After weeks of speculation about which Best Picture front-runner would leave the Oscars with the big one, predictable choice La La Land won—because what does Hollywood love more than honoring films that celebrate the magic of Hollywood?—only to [PLOT TWIST!] only to have the real winner, Moonlight, be revealed mid–acceptance speech, thanks to a mix-up with the envelopes. The joy! The rollercoaster of emotions! The conspiracy theories involving Leonardo DiCaprio! Truly, the finale of these awards had it all.
Insert "glass case of emotion" gif, because OMG.
Most Sadly Predictable Reaction to Biggest Twist: Yes, La La Land coproducer Jordan Horowitz handled the sudden switcharoo with grace and humor, but this morning’s effusive headlines—“'La La Land' producer who declared 'Moonlight' the winner stepped up when it mattered," “'La La Land' producer Jordan Horowitz is the truth-teller we need right now"—are, intentionally or not, pulling focus from the actual winning film to assauge the feelings of a (ahem, young, white) guy over the now-historic reality of Moonlight's win. He’s a Hollywood producer, folks. He’s experienced rejection. He can handle it. Let's get back to celebrating the film that won.
Best Black Girl Magic: Before presenting the award for Best Documentary Feature, Taraji P. Henson and her Hidden Figures costars Octavia Spencer and Janelle Monae honored Katherine Johnson, the NASA mathematician portrayed by Henson in the Oscar-nominated film. If you didn't tear up a little when Johnson thanked the audience, you and I probably can't be friends.
Best Reaction to Losing an Award: We feel you, Denzel. And we would have loved to be a fly on the wall when you and Pauletta got in that limo after the awards ceremony.
Same, Denzel. Same.
Worst Reaction to Winning an Award: Really, Casey Affleck? You couldn’t think of something “bigger or more meaningful to say” during this Oscars ceremony that happens to be occurring in the midst of a political hellscape characterized by racism, xenophobia, anti-Semitism, and more? Actually, let us help you out: You could have started with, I don't know, a statement about how sexual harassment is wrong. The movie biz is all about dreaming big, right?
Coincidentally, this is also how we look when pondering Casey Affleck.
Most Pointed Reaction to Someone Else’s Win: Chrissy Teigen, you never fail to bring the shade, whether it’s on Twitter or on your husband’s shoulder, where you apparently fell asleep while Harassy McBeardo was giving his acceptance speech. Two thumbs up.
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Most Depressing Reminder of How Few Consequences Men in Hollywood Face for Sexism/Sexual Harassment/Abuse: Casey Affleck, Best Actor, Manchester By the Sea; Mel Gibson, nominated for six awards (including Best Picture and Best Director) for Hacksaw Ridge and subject of much red-carpet fawning over his wife. These two join a long, long history of sexual predators honored by the Academy, so by that standard there's nothing particularly notable about these two. But if the industry won't hold them, and others like them, reponsible, at least the Internet will remind everybody that their glory comes at the expense of a trail of erased women.
Shh, don't tell my 26-year-old girlfriend about my last girlfriend, K?
Best snack-related reaction: Food-related Oscar gimmicks are whatever at this point, but Best Supporting Actress nominee Octavia Spencer looked so damn happy when a parachute full of cookies and doughnuts landed in her lap. Taraji P. Henson tapping her on the shoulder all "You sharing?" made it double extra good.
You gotta share your cookies with Cookie, right?
Best speech: Viola Davis, winner of Best Supporting Actress for Fences. A brief excerpt: "You know, there’s one place that all the people with the greatest potential are gathered. One place, and that’s the graveyard. People ask me all the time: “What kind of stories do you want to tell, Viola?” And I say, exhume those bodies, exhume those stories. The stories of the people who dreamed big and never saw those dreams to fruition, people who fell in love and lost. I became an artist—and thank God I did—because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life."
Facts are facts: If there were awards for Best Speech at an Awards Show, Viola Davis would win a cool 95 percent of them.
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What were your favorite Oscar moments from last night? Share them in the comments.