You know that moment when you're singing along at the top of your lungs to a song on the radio and you look around at your friends in the car, only to realize that instead of joining in they're all staring at you in disbelief? And then they have to explain to you that, no, there's not a "bathroom on the right" in that CCR song, and you've been singing the lyrics wrong for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? Those songs we've always heard wrong are called Mondegreens, and I've made a mix of 12 of them (crowdsourced around the office and on Facebook) for today's BitchTapes. Be sure to share your own Mondegreens in the comments—they are completely hilarious.
Track list: 1. "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival A classic Mondegreen. So classic, in fact, that rumor has it John Fogerty actually sings "bathroom on the right" instead of "bad moon on the rise" now when he performs the song live. Just to mess with drunk people in the audience who've always thought it was about a toilet, I guess. 2. "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders As my friend KS put it, "I heard 'I got a new skirt, sorry.' But really (obviously) it's 'I got a new skank, so reet.'" There are so many mumbled, nonsensical lyrics in this (admittedly great) song—I dare you to find someone who knows all of them. 3. "Blinded by the Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band Turns out everyone at the Bitch office thought the lyrics to this song included the phrase "wrapped up like a douche," because when I emailed to ask who had a song they'd misheard, they all sent back this one. Probably because no one would ever use the phrase "revved up like a deuce" but Bruce Springsteen (the author of this Mondegreen). 4. "Little Red Corvette" by Prince My old roommate and I were cleaning the house once and I heard him singing this song to himself, but instead of "Little Red Corvette" he sang "women won't call back," which I still find to be so funny that I'm sharing it here six years later. (I am living proof that your friends will indeed make fun of you when you get song lyrics wrong.) 5. "Caribbean Queen" by Billy Ocean The spouse of a certain Bitch staffer thought for the longest time that the line was "now she's wearing her own jeans" instead of "now we're sharing the same dream." Hey, who doesn't love a woman who wears her own jeans? 6. "More Than a Feeling" by Boston In another crowdsourced Facebook gem, my friend Sean told me he thought the chorus to this song included the line "my forehead is peeling." See how funny Mondegreens are? 7. "Hold the Line" by Toto Until very (like, very) recently, my brother thought this song was called "Borderline" and was indeed about a borderline. Come to think of it, I heard the lyrics as "toe the line" until I saw someone sing this at Karaoke—I blame Toto. 8. "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys When I first heard this song as a kid, I thought my beloved Beach Boys were asking if "baby wanna weego?" and, of course, I thought weego-ing was sex and that the song was unbelievably racy. How could I have known that the "tropical contact high" line was the actual racy part of this vacation jam? 9. "Who Are You?" by The Who KJ thought this song was about "cool water—cool cool, cool cool"! 10. "The Boys of Summer" by Don Henley Replace "after the boys of summer have gone" with "poison arrows of summer have gone" and you will know how my friend Jamie sang this song for the first 22 years of her life. 11. "Every Time You Go Away" by Paul Young From my friend Holly: "When I was a kid, I used to think 'Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you' was 'Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you.' It seemed like a good idea, if you were going on a long trip or something, ya know, pack your cooler?" Makes total sense. 12. "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond Proof that even a song with super inteligible lyrics can result in a Mondegreen. Julie always heard "Sweet Caroline" as "we care a lot." I got so many great responses to my Mondegreens query that I'm planning a second mix for my next BitchTapes, so be sure to leave yours in the comments so I can include them! Now, excuse me while I kiss this guy. Previously: Sax Positive, It's Money, Honey