BitchTapes: Songs I'm Never Going to Attempt at Karaoke Ever Again!

Katie Waldeck
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My name is Katie, and I have a really terrible singing voice. I'll admit it. I'm not ashamed. This presents a huge problem, though, because I do love Karaoke a lot, am very, very, very easily embarrassed, and lack the stage presence that makes up for being a bad singer. It should be noted, too, that no amount of alcohol changes any of these factors (well, maybe the being embarrassed part). There is such a delicate art in picking a song for Karaoke, with plenty of trial and error (emphasis on error). I present to you, in no particular order, the songs that I am never going to attempt ever again at Karaoke. Ever. I swear. It's an important life lesson, really.

1. Fleetwood Mac- Tusk

Lacking in stage presence doesn't help at all during :45 second instrumentals.

2. Melanie- Brand New Key

Everything was going great until the song key went higher and then I ended up sounding like a muppet.

3. Johnny Cash- Folsom Prison Blues

I just can't do this song without the most pathetic country twang ever.

4. Shangri-La's- Give Him a Great Big Kiss

Well, they weren't that great of singers either, but the real problem is that power struggle over who gets to sing Betty's part.

5. Kate Bush- Wuthering Heights

The mother of all difficult songs. If I recall correctly, the KJ made us go last, and then stopped the song half way through. That. Bad.

6. Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood- Jackson

One of the only songs i feel comfortable singing, but KJs always seem to play the Johnny Cash and June Carter version, which is different enough to throw me off. And then it becomes that sad race to keep up with the the lyrics on the TV.

7. Abba- Fernando

My friend and I used to go to Karaoke together every week. She is one of those singers that everyone stops dead in their tracks and listens intently to. We sang this together, and by we I mean she sang it and I held my chest and pretended to have a coughing fit. It's those high notes!

8. Salt N Pepa- Shoop

Keeping the pace to Shoop alone in your car does not mean you can do so in front of dozens of strangers. Learned that the hard way.

There you have it. It's a matter of public record now. Never again will I ever sing any of these songs at Karaoke! Got your own Karaoke mishaps?! Leave them in the comments section!

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6 Comments Have Been Posted

Wuthering Heights

I can´t imagine a normal person, not musically trained with a lot of practice in vocals, to make a decent version of Wuthering Heights, the octaves used are very high.
Check the brazilian band Angra for a good cover version of this music, there´s videos out there.

I love karaoke and I'm

I love karaoke and I'm pretty good, despite possessing lackluster vocal abilities. I avoid karaoke mishaps by limiting my selections to arena rock, 70s pop classics, songs I already know the words to or musicians not notable for their vocal range. I've had great success with "Automatic" (Pointer Sister), "It's Still Rock & Roll to Me", "Eye of the Tiger", "Far from Over", "The Gambler" and "Golden Years". After learning the hard way, I stay away from anything obscure, R&B flavored (again, it's the vocal thing), blacklisted artists/songs (Meatloaf, Divinyls, American Pie, Summer Nights) and picking songs for irony sake - my biggest karaoke pet peeve. The last time I won a karaoke contest I won by singing "We Built this City". I even did the traffic/weather report breakdown, which I suspect sealed my win.

"In real life as in Grand Opera, Arias only make hopeless situations worse." - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

I tried Melanie's Brand New

I tried Melanie's Brand New Key, forgetting how high the key was. Never again.

Don't Push the Salt-n-Pep

To add to the list of incredibly challenged and likely-to-fail-songs (for me anyway) is Salt-n-Pepa's "Push It." I mean, it SEEMS like it's an easy enough, song, and totally fun and upbeat, but DON'T DO IT, trust me! Unless you are an expert rapper and know exactly which singer sings which lines, the back-and-forth rapping is just a recipe for disaster. The rap/scratch "Puh-puh-puh-push....!" part is especially messy, in my experience. Be forwarned!

Honestly I have had the most vocal and audience reaction success with a lot of the 80s rock stuff (Loverboy, Journey, Def Leppard, etc.). Too bad most of that stuff is male-centered vocals but I've found most of it can be sang in a variety of ranges. The other week I attempted Lita Ford's "Kiss Me Deadly" for the first time and it was pretty fun and more people were familar with it than I had expected. ROCK ON Bitchsters!

Mariah Carey was my downfall

When I was in my early 20s I got cocky about my mad karaoke skills and tried to do "Vision of Love." It was fine until she jumped four octaves and I did not. Even my incredibly nice friend just said, "You know, it's Mariah Carey, no one can sing it except Mariah Carey." I stuck to Lisa Loeb and the "Killing Me Softly" (Fugees or Roberta Flack) after that with little variation.

Oh man...

I remember the last time I attempted "Shoop." I was gasping for air by the end. I'll probably try it again... remembering to, you know, BREATHE next time.

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