It's almost Halloween, which means I'll be a little anxious trying to figure out what the hell to dress as this year, as I do every year. Yet, were I to go to a Halloween costume store and try to find something, I wouldn't really be able to find anything that exciting. Scary, sure. But not in a Halloween scary way. I'd find a lot of ridiculous outfits of all kinds that require garter belts, knee-high boots and close-to-nothing tops but that are somehow "different characters". Yes, it's true that the contention for Halloween costumes for ladies is not a new beef: it's been quite awhile since "sexy" Halloween costumes have been all the rage. But when did Spongebob become sexy? Is Pocahottie seriously a choice? And Strawberry Shortcake in thigh-highs? This week's Douchebag Decree is dedicated to Spirit Halloween Store, and other classy establishments like it, because if you don't want to bear your bosom in the name of dress up fun, well sister, you're shit out of luck.
I've joked with my friends for years that women's Halloween costumes at these types of shops consist of the word "sexy" placed in front of any character or occupation. Sexy Logger. Sexy Bank Teller. Sexy Dinosaur. These were jokes, emphasized by a healthy dose of hyperboly. Turns out, they were not so far fetched. Exhibit A: the Spongebob Squarepants women's costume-
What? It's only $60? For a t-shirt and some athletic socks? Time out, the "men's" version is an actual Spongebob costume? As in, it looks like him?
And it only costs $50?! (Only, ha, I wouldn't pay $3 for this thing, but you get my point.)
So it's mildly insane that someone would pay that much for that little, when it doesn't even look like Spongebob. That's the thing, all of these "sexy" women's costumes cost an arm and a leg (too bad you don't really get a skirt or a shirt with them, which I think, is what you're trying to attain in these situations). But remember the "Pocahottie" I mentioned before? Right.
Complete with totally offensive feathers in the hair and historical inaccuracies up the wazoo!
These dreadful "costume" choices for women are terrible and sexist. The "tween" line isn't much better (exemplified by the Strawberry Shortcake costume in the first paragraph). The line that Spirit Halloween Store offers for the ladies is called Leg Avenue, and apparently, they are so tiny not even tiny women can fit into them. There is a "plus size" line available, but there are way fewer options there and one of them is this:
It isn't as if there is a line for men called "Dudes Dudes Dudes" that offers options like Bullfighter or Vampire or cop, which are all similar because they each come with teeny tiny junk-bearing pants to keep it sexy. No, the body part showing is, as usual, relegated to the lady section.
This phenomenon was summed up quite well in the fantastic "Mean Girls":
Honestly, I'd rather be the scary bride that Lindsay Lohan is dressed as in that clip. At least that kind of horror I can deal with.
Thanks to Danielle for the snarky conversation that inspired this blog!