Douchebag Decree: Spencer Morgan and the invention of "The Cheetah"


Okay, okay. Maybe Spencer Morgan just did it for attention. Maybe he just wanted angry women to comment on his fantastically misogynist piece in The New York Observer so that he could get more attention. Well, guess what? It worked.

Behold! A douchebag in his natural habitat.

For those of you who haven't read the piece, titled "Rrrowl! Beware Cougar's Younger niece, the Cheetah" (and therefore haven't yet vomited up the contents of your stomach in disgust), the gist is this: We all know that it's hilarious to compare women with any trace amount of sexual appetite to cats, right? And we know that a cougar is an older woman who has sex with younger men, and that apparently a puma is a woman in her late twenties who has sex with younger men. (Get it? Like, women have "pussies," so the cat references are a guaranteed laugh!) Well, apparently there is a new feline/woman hybrid, and she is on "the prowl" to trick drunk men into having sex with her and then entering into a serious relationship. This hybrid is called a cheetah, and apparently she feeds on gross clichés and a poorly-concealed hatred of women.

I won't go into all of the details here, although one of the more irritating ones is that cheetahs only have sex with men who are "above their station" because clearly they are using sex in order to get rich husbands. Oh, and cheetahs look bad without makeup on but otherwise they are hot. (EYEROLL EYEROLL EYEROLL) For the full description you can check out Morgan's article, though be prepared with a barf bag at the ready.

What really nails the Douchebag Decree for this guy, though, is not his thinly veiled misogyny – it's the fact that he's so damned smarmy about it. A woman hater is one thing (a shitty but ignorable thing), but a woman hater who thinks his sexist bullshit is not only hilarious but also feels entitled to share this hilarious bullshit with the world from his privileged position as a hip white guy writing for an edgy NY magazine (check out his piece on "The Last Crack Hipster" for evidence of his douchiness edginess) is pure, unadulterated douchebag. How many bratty teenagers are reading this piece and laughing their asses off at how awesome it is to mock women and perpetuate the notion that all women-of-a-certain-age (which seems to be about 25 at this point – what's next? What will we start calling high school girls who want a date to the prom? Ocelots?) are trying to trick men into sex and relationships? FOR GOD'S SAKE WE DON'T ALL WANT TO MARRY YOU.

Don't worry though, everyone. This shit is ironic, and therefore just fine. As Jessica Pressler so eloquently stated in yesterday's Daily Intel:

The people in the piece are real: limpid -eyed "Dana," the cheetah who "was notorious for looking dreadful without her makeup on." We live in a world where the president for National Organization for Women just spoke out against a tax on plastic surgery that could help fund national health care because she honestly believes it will disadvantage older women who are trying to get jobs, for the love of god. Dudes — all of us supposedly smart people, in fact — should think about being a little more careful about this stuff.

Spencer, my friend: This type of "irony" is not OK. It doesn't matter how cool you think you are, or that you and the other male journalists you interviewed for this piece were just "joking around" and besides, you're all married already (but wait – isn't marriage just a trap? well, as long as your wives are under 25 you're safe I guess) so how could you be taken seriously? That is bullshit. You are a misogynist. And you are also the proud owner of this week's non-ironic Douchebag Decree.

As a side note, could we just stop it already with the women-are-cats nicknames? Comparing women who want sex to dangerous jungle predators shows off your fear of female sexuality even more than your shitty article does.

by Kelsey Wallace
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7 Comments Have Been Posted

Hear, hear.

Well said.

<i>Take note: Opinions expressed are those of their respective authors, not necessarily those of</i> Bitch. <i>Dig?</i>

The introductory narrative

The introductory narrative of this piece strikes me as an incident of sexual assault. Did anyone else experience this reaction?

A woman sleeps with a drunk

A woman sleeps with a drunk man and she gets called a cheetah; A man sleeps with a drunk woman he gets called a date rapist.

Excellent point.

You're right; the description Morgan gives of a Cheetah's behavior definitely reads like sexual assault:
<blockquote>“I can barely stand,” Seth said, swaying innocently on the soggy sidewalk. (Seth’s a gentleman and asked that I change the names and obscure certain details in unfurling the horrors that so thoroughly furled him that night, in order to protect the honor of a woman.) He was 24 at the time, a magazine writer.

Joel said, “O.K., I think he needs to go home.”

Dana, who was 29, said, “Let’s go get another drink!”

“I wanna go home,” Seth warbled.

“O.K., I’ll take him home,” Dana said.

Joel gave Seth a “WTF?” look and said, “I’ll take him home.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dana said, hailing a cab and then bundling Seth inside.

“I woke up with a condom still on my dick,” he told me.</blockquote>

Date rape is date rape, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator. Yet another reason why Morgan's article is in incredibly poor taste.

A Grand Hooray to Mr. Morgan for His Disgusting Attitude

I feel like the article made light of the fact that Dana was a date rapist. It's not funny when someone takes advantage of someone else who cannot give legitimate consent to sex. Dana should be in jail instead of laughed at and called a "cheetah". However, 95% of rape is committed by men, and many of them have not been punished.

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