Gross Reddit Relationship Advice Book Raises $16,000

Kickstarter image for "Above the Game"

UPDATE JUNE 21: Kickstarter apologized today for not cancelling this project. Kickstarter says in a blog post that their deeply pro-creator ethic and their short time span for deciding whether or not to take down the project led to inaction. They cannot take back the money raised, but the will be donating $25,000 to anti-rape and abuse nonprofit RAINN.


A guy who posts a lot of bad relationship advice on Reddit would like to turn his internet diatribes into a book. And, as of today, people have given him over $16,000 on Kickstarter to do it. 

Classy Dude Ken Hoinsky has posted Pick-Up Artist style dating advice on the Reddit "seduction" forum and says readers tell him his advice on how to convince women to sleep with you has changed their lives. He started a Kickstarter to write a male-centric dating book called Above the Game based on the Reddit advice.   

Comedian Casey Malone pointed out that author Ken Hoinsky is not giving reasonable dating advice, he's "writing a book about how to sexually assault women, and he is using something I believe in (Kickstarter) to ask YOU for money to do it."

According to Hoinsky's Kickstarter, half of the book will be dating advice he published on Reddit forums. A perusal of that advice (whcih have been taken down, but are still available on the cached version of the pagescreenshot here) shows it to be Pick-Up Artist advice at its worst: 

Men are notoriously bad at reading women's minds and body language. Don't think that you're any different. From now on you must ASSUME that she is attracted to you and wants to be ravished. It's a difference in mindset that makes champs champs and chumps chumps. ... 

Decide that you're going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don't ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances. ...


If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know. If she says "STOP," or "GET AWAY FROM ME," or shoves you away, you know she is not interested. It happens. Stop escalating immediately and say this line:

"No problem. I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

Memorize that line. It is your go-to when faced with resistance. Say it genuinely, without presumption. All master seducers are also masters at making women feel comfortable. You'll be no different. If a woman isn't comfortable, take a break and try again later.

So, men, in case you misunderstood: Don't listen to a woman when she says she's not comfortable and wants to stop. Just cool your heels and try again later. She'll come around to your seduction eventually. 

Of course, Hoinsky isn't directly telling guys to go rape women. But his advice is to ignore what women are saying, to assume that women want to sleep with you, and to be physically aggressive until you get your way.

In the "Sex" section of the Reddit thread, he suggest a guy should physically forcing his date to touch his dick: 

Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don't ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.

The idea that a woman signed off on touching your dick without her verbally consenting in any way is dangerous. Numerous people have written about how Pick-Up Artist tactics venture into rapey territory. As s.e. smith put it, "PUA techniques focus heavily on a steadily escalating process of coercion and many come with an assumption that a man has a right to have sex with any woman he wants. Additionally, he's less of a man if he doesn't succeed in landing a given 'catch,' which puts tremendous pressure on him to seal the deal at all costs."

Beyond the rape issues, this is just bad relationship advice. It's built on the premise that women want sex but don't speak up about it. Personally, I think dating and hook-ups are way more fun and pleasant when the people involved can actually talk to each other—rather than, as this book suggests, merely manipulating one another into sex. 

You can report Hoinsky's project to Kickstarter, but since it ended today, I'm not certain they'll do anything about it. How about making sure this project to build a temporary memorial to survivors of sexual assault meets its goal in the next 70 hours? 

by Sarah Mirk
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Sarah Mirk is Bitch Media's online editor. She's interested in gender, history, comics, and talking to strangers. You can follow her on Twitter

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4 Comments Have Been Posted


Have reported although they've already raised all of their funds as of 2 hours ago. I'll take solace in the fact that of the 5 projects I've funded on Kickstarter only one of them actually sent me what they were supposed to send me. So maybe this book will never be completed.

Good to know

I'm glad that all the pressure made Kickstarter come to their senses. There's a great big difference between censoring information and greenlighting a "how to sexually assault all women" manual.

Here's hoping the author gets

<p>Here's hoping the author gets some "too strange" and it falls off.</p>


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