Americans love our fast food, and you know what we like most about it? It's not the trans fats, or the corporatization of farming, or even the ridiculous amount of waste the packaging generates (so if you guessed one of those, you're out of luck). Nope, our favorite thing about our favorite type of food is... offensive commercials! If it weren't, then why would EVERY f*ing fast food chain in the country advertise its plastic-y foods with a ridiculously offensive ad campaign?
So, in honor of America's apparent love of offensive fast food commercials, we're having (wait for it...) AN OFFENSIVE FAST FOOD COMMERCIAL SHOWDOWN! The contestants for this showdown include a date-rapey toaster oven, a Warrant-loving park pervert, and a booty-shaking creeper in a king mask. Four ads enter, one ad leaves! Which will reign supreme as the most offensive fast food commercial? YOU MAKE THE CALL! (Oh, and warning: These ads contain ads)
Our first contestant is an ad for Jack-in-the-Box smoothies:
Why it's offensive: Well, there is the issue of a man in a bobble head calling menopausal women "street rat crazy." (What does that mean, by the way? Is that even a thing you can call someone?) Basically the entire ad is constructed around the notion that women going through menopause are at their Stepford-wifey breaking point. What was the deal with her angrily clipping that rose? It might as well have been John Wayne Bobbit's penis. Oh well, at least now we know that menopausal women can save money on hormone therapy by drinking fro-yo smoothies to cure their hot flashes instead. Thanks, bobble-headed douche!
Sorry if the John Wayne Bobbit joke was a tad dated, but this next showdown contestant just has me in 90s misogyny mode for some reason. Check out Burger King's Spongebob promo:
Why it's offensive:This commercial is baffling on so many levels. First of all, that Sir Mix-a-lot song came out in 1992, which means it was around before most of this ad's target audience was even born. Second, this is an ad for kids' meals, with cartoon toys in them! What's with the skimpily-clad, square-assed ladies? And how about Sir Mix-a-lot's self-referential piece there at the end, where he says the ad is making him richer? Am I hearing correctly that he says "booty is booty"? Not only does this ad use sex combined with a cartoon sponge to sell burgers to kids, it is also straight-up confusing from a postmodern theoretical standpoint. WTF?
It would be nice to feel surprised that Burger King chose to objectify women in order to hawk fast food, but anyone with a television knows that sexy, creepy fast food ads are just par for the course. Contestant number three, an Arby's ad, only solidifies this knowledge:
Why it's offensive: Whoa! Who would have thought of playing Warrant's "Cherry Pie" behind an image of a woman-turned-sex-object? Sooo original (eye roll). This ad doesn't need a lot of discussion, it's just cliche, obnoxious, and it portrays women as sexy park-dwellers who are ready to give it up to any schlub with a sandwich. This also makes men look like idiots, because the guy in this commercial is too slobby to even hold on to a phone number without getting his food grease all over it. Oh, gender politics! Does anyone else not want a burger right now?
Our final contestant is evidence that fast food ads can be just as icky in their portrayals of men as they are women, and even worse in their portrayals of kitchen appliances. Behold the Quizno's torpedo:
Why it's offensive: Is it just me, or is that TOASTER OVEN a DATE RAPIST?!? "Put it in me, Scott" "Say it sexier." Ugh! I need to file a police report just because I watched this piece of shit ad. And I get the feeling that somehow Quizno's thinks this ad is okay because when a male (Scott) is the victim of sexual assault, it's hilarious! Hey, let's make this man do sexual acts that he doesn't want to do! It's okay, because we're selling sandwiches! Delicious, phallic sandwiches! Put it in me!!!
But enough of my ranting on these offensive ads. It's up to you now. Vote as to which one you thought was the worst, and we'll announce the winner (or I guess I should say loser) on the blog on Monday. Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments section!