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Here is a text transcription of the comic to make it more accessible for people using screen readers. Transcription by Morgan Kelly.
This comic begins, “About a year ago… long before Oh Joy, Sex Toy was even an idea.” Erika walks in and sees a large box from Amazon.com. She calls to Matthew, “Hey baby, I’m home! What is this?” Matthew seems sheepish, “Oh um, I… I got you something? I dunno, it was expensive and I feel kind of silly about it now…” Erika asks him, “Baby, what did you DO?”
As Erika opens the box, Matthew continues, “Remember we were watching that porn? With the fucking machines? And you said that looked like fun?” Erika looks astonished, “…You got me a sex chair.” Matthew says quickly, “We can send it back! I feel ridiculous. …harroo…” Erika jumps to hug Matthew, “You’re my favorite husband.”
Erika provides a diagram of the Love Glider Sex Machine, indicating the price, size, and features of the Glider.
A nude person looks at the Glider and asks, “So what is it and how does it work?” Erika explains, “The rocking stool works using human power. No electricity or batteries or whatever! You plop yourself on the chair and carefully aim the attached dildo toward whatever hole you want fucked. Then you rock your hips forward and the toy transfers the momentum into an upward thrust. Rocking backward then withdraws the toy.” Another nude person demonstrates how to use the Glider with a rocking motion. Erika continues, “With only a few movements you’re literally fucking yourself hands-free! But fucking yourself is only the start of the fun!”
Both two nude people are using Gliders as they add, “With freed up hands, you’re able to combo it up with your favorite vibrator! Or cock sleeve!”
Erika continues, “But we found it to be WAY more enjoyable when you have a partner. What’s better than giving a blowjob? Getting plowed WHILE you give a blowjob! It’s like a two-person threesome.”
“But listen up, it’s not all fun and games. $400-ish is super expensive for a sex toy and the Sex Glider that comes from Amazon is shoddily made with cheap materials. It also comes with some god-awful low-grade dildo attachments (we use a fresh condom on the toys each time), which you should exchange for a better Vac-U-Lock toy ASAP.” Erika includes an illustration of two mean looking dildos, “Snarl! Grr!”
Erika continues, “Another downer: Riding the Love Glider solo is a lot of fun until it’s time to come. Personally, I found it orgasm-inhibiting as I had to keep remembering to rock back and forth instead of just letting myself come. If you have a partner, though, this is easily remedied as they can rock the chair back and forth for you. Plus they get a fun show!”
Erika and Matthew pose with the Glider, Erika asks, “So, was it worth the horny-midnight-regretsy-purchase a year ago?” He responds with a high five, “Definitely.”