Although the list was released last month, the HuffPo's college arm is just now getting around to devoting linkbaity ink to Playboy's fourth annual compilation of Top Ten Party Schools. If you haven't seen it, the list is pretty much what you'd expect from Playboy- a glorification of babes, booze and a culture of hedonistic indulgence. Notable are the Honorable Mention categories in which schools that didn't make the top ten are lauded for such as qualities as Hottest Chicks or Hottest Major.
As an antidote to all of this last century sexism (seriously, Playboy, co-eds should have been stricken from the vernacular around the time Hef himself graduated, if not sooner), I decided to compile my own group of more edifying school rankings. Please note that the words sweater puppies are not mentioned even once.
Photo by pizzodisevo (first of all, my health)
Top Ten Collegiate Top Ten Lists That Reflect Qualities More Interesting Than A School's Propensity for Partying
10. Top ten sedate, herbal tea drinking and 17th century philosophy
9. Top ten Modern Whig Party schools
8. Top ten schools at which if you say "Playboy," someone will respond with "Cad"
"Rake" or "Lothario"
7. Top ten schools having the greatest percentage of the student body who know all
the lyrics to Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA
6. Top ten schools more concerned with Gini coefficient than Bikini Index
5. Top ten party until a reasonable hour, but still get a full night's sleep and
wake up to eat a decent breakfast and make it to 8:30 AM Microeconomics
4. Top ten schools in which the members of the campus chapter of the Society for
Creative Anachronism get more action than the basketball and football teams
3. Top ten Party of Five rerun-watching schools
2. Top ten schools at which using the word "co-ed" as a noun would earn you a
withering look, if not an outright ass kicking
1. Top ten schools that define "party"as simply an incorrect conjugation of the French